Smoke ping

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My connected devices (for those of you sniffing for story holes); hence Renfield left the cart and brought me my phone. Anita’s singular voice came across loud and clear:“The billigits are on a retreat to cleanse themselves of the huffing addiction that befell them after the flop of the beige album; Colonel Daisy Kloverleaf has it all mapped out.”“I see,” I lied. “Tell me, what the hell does that have to do with Ping falling from the sky and the smoke rising behind the Catnip Trees?”I must grudgingly admit that Anita has a relationship with our sometimes believed in Supreme Being known as “the Ineffable Hand.” Obviously no more mystic or supreme than the dubious person to whom I am the Pen to, I will admit that “She” often shares information with Anita before She does with me, thus Anita spoke again.“If you were sober when you created the Fictional Character known as Tawny Joad you’d recall that he, among his many talents, is a Pingshiner who specializes in Catsinthe.”“Catsinthe,” I said, remembering, well sort of. I don’t need a lot of information to connect the dots, just the dots will do. And I remembered that Catsinthe is the wildest hooch in the meta-verse–196 proof, with the rest of it composed mainly of Feline indifference. No wonder Ping dropped. “So Tawny, I’m guessing you got a still going yonder and that he Ping passed over the smoke and fell like a stone–lucky he didn’t land on you.”“So?” said Tawny, “Catsinthe is legal in the Springs.”“I know that, you adorable little son of a bitch, but I also know that it is not the case in any other dimension.” Yes, I had connected the dots.I looked up at the billies. “So, how will you boys get it past the Interdimensional Police if the holy pilgrim scam fails? I imagine it’s a tad uncomfortable to squeeze flasks up the old wazoo.”Anita-Know chimed in: “The Interdimensional police randomly search interdimensional vortex travelers for contraband. But they are grossly understaffed, underpaid and are said to be uncommonly venal. Venal means susceptible to–”“We know what

There was one). So it was no coincidence that it was facing south. But I was surprised to see a tendril of smoke reaching skyward, way off, near the southern line of the Nameless Hills that encircle our realm.“Thought you said Ping landed okay?”“Yep…bounced like a yoga ball,” said Renfield. “I scrambled a flock of Bats and they returned him to this place–told me he was even drunker than usual.”“Hmmm…Ummm, so…what’s causing the smoke?”“No idea.”Then goddam “Anita-Know” kicked in on my computer: ”Smoke is the transference of matter to gas via heat.” A new Ghost had recently entered the realm, one who thought it would be amusing to play the role of “Alexa” on my computer. Anita-Know’s voice sounds a lot like what ten-thousand cigarettes did to those of Lucille Ball and Leonard Cohen. “Tell me, Anita, what happens if I take a mallet and reduce this device to dust?”No reply.“S’pose we ought to go check this mess out,” I said, dropping my spent cigarette butt into the equally spent Guinness bottle that I was using for an ashtray. Act Three: Meet Guru Joad A very used electric golf cart is the realm’s only powered vehicle; it has a top speed of two to three mph. Fortunately, due to the weird geometric layout of the Springs, nothing is farther than “boutta mile” from anything else. Something can appear to be farther away, but the distance you travel is the same. This means that the average drive is around twenty to thirty minutes.Renfield drove and I stood on the passenger seat and scanned the south with binoculars. The source of the smoke was obscured by a grove of wildly out of control Catnip trees, which are native to the Springs and nowhere else in the known meta-verse. They are the shape of well-clawed paws and will take a swipe at you if you are not careful.“It appears to be coming from–” I was saying when Renfield hit the brake. Going from walking speed to zero instantaneously is no big deal unless you are standing in a golf cart. I lunged forward

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SettingsTDM - {FSB}SkunkBudsTDM - [MADE] Step it Up - has 1.3 runspeedTDM - |NAEA| CustomsTDM - Fear Frag FF Public Server - Friendly fire is turned on.TDM - Disposable HeroesTDM - [pD] Combat Ops|(TDM)CTF - |NAEA| Customs - consists of custom maps onlyCTF - [pD] Combat Ops|(CTF)CTF - VOD www.vodchaos.com CTFEU Servers----------DM - Kalicanthus DMDM - Any official netplayers.deDM - [ALG] DM Server - 6 max.TDM - [GFC] serversV. Playing in Pubs [PPB]===============================================================================This is how you'll start off playing online, in F.E.A.R. The tried and true game modes found in most FPS are all included, along with an awesome CTF mode.If you're a complete newbie, it would be advisable to start off in Team Deathmatch, as you've got up to 7 other team mates to help you along. When selecting a server, pick one with low ping. Anywhere from 10-50 is ideal, but F.E.A.R. sadly has a smaller selection of servers, so it will be necessary to choose one with higher ping. Up to 120 or so is where Rauk personally draws the line, unless he feels particularly suicidal and has a desire to get his ass handed to him by crazy good Euro guys. Try joining 10 or less player games if you're new to F.E.A.R. Be careful of entering games with clan members, however, since most are very experienced. You can still take your chances and hope it's a noob clan. =pMorg tends to stay in the public servers as he doesn't have time to be in a serious clan (as he's in one for other games and he has work to do!) and ha sthe following advice for playing in them...be polite and if you are new tothe game, please stick at it. It is fast paced and you will find it difficultto start with. Keep moving as erratically as you can and don't camp the powerweapons, tempting as it may seem. Remember how slowly you move with them.It used to be the case that cheaters were popping up everywhere, but now PB has been installed, you don't get it on those servers. Remember to go aroundhording medkits as much as possible adn as Rauk says, stick to servers with ping of less than 120 and play with less players (10 max) if you're on DM. Ifyou don't, it can become pretty hectic and it's not conducive to new players!V.i. Deathmatch [DMH]=========================This is a chaotic smoke-filled panicky spawn-camping melee noobfest. In other words, it's the most fun you'll ever have playing in a pub. -IF- you're on top or near the top of the food chain. Being fresh meat sucks, in a word. But you can get better. Whatever you do when you spawn, remember to move quicklyand watch the spot you've just spawned from when running away just in casesomeone else spawns right next to you and shoots you in the back. If you stick to DM servers with 8 people or less, the spawn camping issue is considerably muted.Generally try and keep track of where